I grew up in a Christian home. My parents took me and my five older brothers and sisters to a United Methodist church. When I was in the 4th grade, my mother was my Sunday School teacher. In high school, I was active in the FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes) group at my school. But, even though I was exposed to so much religion, I never was a believer. About the time I graduated from High School, I began to turn to other sources searching for answers to the questions of life. Much of those sources would've been considered philosophical in nature. This led me away from Christianity and towards man's intellect as the place to find what I was looking for. I never really found those answers but my search took me far away from my Christian upbringing. I also began to find it much easier to immerse myself in the pleasures of the world and so developed a real distaste for anything like church. I entered the construction field at the age of 19 where I began to work on jobs with a rough and rowdy group of men whose influence helped further my distaste for church and religion. I began to believe that maybe there wasn't a God anyway. I don't think I ever thought of myself as an atheist but certainly I had fully decided that Jesus was no more than a man like myself.

I continued my career in the construction industry. When I was 21, I got married to a nice girl who happened to be a Christian and after we had been married for five years we had our first son. Then 4 years later we had our 2nd son. By the time of our 2nd son's birth, I had been working in my field for 12 years and I felt that I should start getting some promotions. I had long since turned away from God and I looked for all my happiness to come from my family, job, and hobbies. But without any firm beliefs I realized it was extremely hard to raise two boys and be a husband while being adrift in the sea of life. I had no anchoring point so I felt tossed about by all of life's difficulties and so my family life slowly started spiraling down. Then just as I thought my career was on the way up, the so-called "rug" was pulled from underneath me. I managed to regroup and work my way back up to where I thought I should be, only to have the same thing happen again. I felt very devastated and at a loss as to what was happening. My world was spinning out of control, it seemed. I quit my job and didn't know what to do with my life.

Nothing seemed to be going like I thought it should be. With 2 sons and a beautiful wife, and everything this world says you need to be happy, I was miserable. I wasn't sure why, but I felt hopeless and terribly depressed. One night while sitting at my kitchen table, I picked up a pen by my hand and started scribbling on a scrap piece of paper the words, "I have nowhere to go". As my wife came into the kitchen, she noticed what I was doing. Of course, she was upset by this so we began to talk, and after a while I found my spirits somewhat lifted. Soon after that night, I went back to work and I also began to reevaluate my beliefs. It was at this point in my life that I truly became a seeker. I had been telling my wife, who'd been wanting us to start going to church, if she could find a church where i could play guitar, I'd go and at the same time, this was my request to God. As I sat on the lake fishing on Sunday mornings with my good friend, I had begun to think maybe God is real after all. I never believed that it would happen... but one night, my wife came home and said there is a group at the church looking for someone to play guitar. I was astonished. I'd say that it was my first experience in believing prayers do get answered. And I didn't even know, at the time, that what I was doing, was actually praying to God for help.

But I was still having trouble with what I considered the Christian philosophy. I stated as much one morning in an adult Sunday School class and someone gave me a copy of the book "More Than A Carpenter" which was written by a philosopher. I read the whole book in one sitting because it was so good. I started changing my mind about some things. I was really seeking after God for the first time in my life, and God was revealing himself to me. Romans 11:23 states "And if they do not persist in unbelief they will be grafted in, for God is able to graft them in again." For nearly a year, I went to church hardly missing a Sunday, yet I was still doubtful. Then my father became ill and was hospitalized and soon after entering the hospital, became even sicker. He was put in ICU and on 24-hour ventilation. At his lowest point, our family was very concerned that he might not pull through. One day while I was visiting him, I stood at his bedside. He was unable to speak or move. I tried to make him understand I knew that he was scared and that I loved him and I wanted him to know I believed that he had been a good an loving father. For the first time in my life I felt he need me to be strong for him. A few minutes later I made my way to the chapel located inside the hospital. I sat down in a pew and I began to ask God for some guidance. What I received was a vision of Jesus on the cross looking at me and for a moment, he had the same look as I had just seen in my father's eyes. I knew then that God wants a relationship with each of us because he is a good and loving father also. In a flood of tears, I told God I knew and believed now, and I asked for his forgiveness for all I had ever done and in my mind he said "I forgive you". Proverbs 19:21, "many are the plans in a mans heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."

I left that Chapel a completely different man on that day. I know that God is real and is searching for every one of us to be in a relationship with Him. 2nd Samuel 14:14, "Like water spilled on the ground, which cannot be recovered, so we must die. But God does not take away life; instead, he devises ways so that a banished person may not remain estranged from him."

My father did recover and left the hospital. I have since promised God that I would no longer try to persuade people to not believe in him but that I would do my best to lead a multitude of followers to him. The pastor at my church suggested that I lead an Alpha course small group and I believer it is God's purpose for me to use this tool to do that. And I find it incredible that men on construction jobs will now come to me for advise because I lift Jesus up and it is wonderful. Proverbs 20:5, “The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out”. My personal life is much better now. I let God guide me through his work and by listening for his instructions. I feel like a good and loving father now. Romans 11:33, “O the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his His judgments, and His paths beyond tracing out!”

Doug